How Do Men View Friends With Benefits
One of the most intriguing questions that is on the minds of most. Do women really know how we feel about friends with benefits? Well, I am about to tell you the honest truth on how we feel about “friends with benefits”.
State The Obvious
Now, let’s state the obvious. No one, male or female, tries to be strung along to get hurt on purpose. We go into the situation (friends with benefits) to solely reap the benefits of the extracurriculars that normal friends wouldn’t do. To be honest, it plays into situations some men die for. To have a woman satisfy you physically while you’re still doing your own thing is perfect. For example, imagine going to a job and for you to get paid, the only thing you needed to do was show up. Life is great, right? Now, if that job is requiring more of you, wanting you to actually work and deal with the attention it requires. That job now becomes less enticing to go to and eventually part ways unless you and that company have a mutually interest in one another. How do men approach and view these circumstances for simply what they are for? Do we bite off more than we can chew or is it something much deeper?
Opinions
Before I could truly assess the question correctly and fairly, I asked both men and women their opinion. It was mixture of those in relationships or single. Some had the same or a similar opinion.
Men
“Usually it’s the female that gets hurt in the end because the dude thinks of it as sex which is what “friends with benefits” suppose to be but somehow the female catches feelings when in the first place it was just suppose to be casual and nothing more than sex.” — a single male
“Dudes have a lot of pride and if they see someone smashing something they’re hitting, they’ll be overcome with pride and actually catch feeling themselves. That’s their way of liking the girl more than they originally planned.” — a single male
“ Usually it is not always the female that gets hurt 7/10 it’s the man getting jealous… when figuring out that he is not the only one she actually talks to which then leads to him telling himself to go f*ck whoever which leads to tension…. I have tried MULTIPLE times… someone always wants more in the end.” — a male in a relationship
“Best thing since sliced bread until they start catching feelings.” — a male in a relationship
Women
“I think it’s stupid.” — a single woman
“Pointless. One way or another somebody will catch feelings and want more than that.” — a woman in a relationship
“Tbh I hate it cause that will f*ck up a good man or woman and there’s already not many left…” — a single woman
“If you’re both mature enough to have a clear understanding and agreement why not?” — a woman in a relationship
“If it’s a mutual decision, I’m down. Then I know not to get my feelings involved.” — a woman in a relationship
“It’s possible but it’s difficult because you’re sharing such an intimate experience with them.” — a single woman
How Black Men View Friends With Benefits & The Underlining Causes and Reasoning?
This is the part you have been waiting for right? We view friends with benefits strictly for what it is. The thing about men is that we can have sex with a woman without any prior or emotional attachment. Therefore, men may thrive more when it pertains to friends with benefits. Why? Why don’t men have an emotional attachment? As a man, we are not required to show any affection or to be emotionally connected. We are very straight to the point. Some women don’t let men to be creative with our mind enough to try to even become invested. From our point of view, we ask ourselves, why should I? If she is giving it up, why do more? So, when the opportunity arises for a relationship to possibly occur, the chance for us to be emotionally or mentally invested was never there to begin with. Even when men cheat (early in a relationship), there is no emotional attachment half of the time. If he hasn’t had the time to develop a connection with a woman and sex becomes easily accessible early in the relationship, the goal of maintaining a relationship is slim.
However, when women cheat, they are more emotionally invested. As men, we know that. That is why we can throw a whole parade because we know she had to have some type of emotional connection with that guy. (Unless she is a heartless or doesn’t care like a male would… we don’t really try to debate this in all honesty lol). However, men face much more than what’s viewed on the surface. It’s trust. We are so scared to be vulnerable and let our guard down. This can be due to someone not taking us serious or the time we actually opened up to a woman and it was taken for granted [refer to my last blog for detail about this topic specifically]. Women play a HUGE role in our lives as a young kid. Think about it, if you have a boy who wasn’t raised or he didn’t have a woman to trust when he was young, do you realistically expect him to open up to a woman he has known for a few months? As men, we want to confide in women contrary to what people say but some of us don’t know how. It’s like learning something you should have already learned. Now, you’re grown and “stuck in your ways.”
Conclusion
We mimic what we see on TV. Rappers and celebrities appearing to live this lavish lifestyle and being able to have female friends while having benefits. Some men live vicariously through what they see. So, is he really stuck in his ways or unwilling to change his ways? No, he has grown accustom and adapted to his environment and feels the need to be guarded in order to protect himself. There are some black men that are toxic and the pain endured while growing up; can’t really be explained by a person on the outside looking in like me or you. Do we know friends with benefits won’t work in most cases? Yes, we do. That’s why women should hold off on sex or the act of sex for three to four months. Am I saying you’re guaranteed to get a good man after waiting that long? No, but what I’m saying it will help you better sifter out the good and the bad ones. Having open and honest dialogue can help in so many ways. Just like the example in the beginning, if you are able to effectively talk and be open to that company, it’ll help the company not to be fully invested in hopes of you fully committing to them and given them the choice to see if they want to continue working under the same parameters.
Don’t be offended by the truth. Embrace it and walk on you own path accordingly. How do you feel about friends with benefits? Has it worked for you or someone you know? Comment below and discuss what you think can be done different or should friend with benefits even exist? As always you guys, thank you for your patience.
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